so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to make out with him forever
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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