I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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