just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This beer is not sobering me up at all
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
