There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
