Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
