Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
