Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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