Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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