I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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