so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
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