when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
