You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
