Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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