I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
