so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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