She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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