Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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