I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
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Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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