Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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