that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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