super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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