Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
