After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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