Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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