Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize