Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
