does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
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Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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