He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
