Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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