I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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