I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
