I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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