So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
