I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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