then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
