that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Mom said you looked used
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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