I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
its liver damage thursday
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize