I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
