In the future we'll all be gay
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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