he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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