I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
