Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
