UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I FOUND THE LEGS