how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You are the jesus of drinking
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.