he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
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Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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