So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk