IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
