Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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