I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
