Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
