My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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