How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
