My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
