no you cant smoke seaweed
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
