Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
