my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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