If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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