Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
