I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
