I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
