Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
