Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
