Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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