Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
did you just send me my own nude
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm always down for nudity.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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